Be Yours, and fill me

Oh, Lord. I start again with the new one. Fill me with the power so i can conquer, and win all the times of all battle that are coming to me. I believe, so i can say all of these. But may be i'm not fully trust thats why i'm falls, mean while thanks, because i can stand up again.

I need You to fill me up, because if you are not in me, most of the times, are just return to the way back of the starting point. Yes, i know You says that we are more than Winners in the end. But in the processing time till we died, we need feels You, not just in the dangerous situation, or when the edge of fall off. 

From my point of view, i'm really need You full in me. Tell Your secret, please i need the way of the truth. I want not just believe, but trust You, without wavering. Please help me Lord. 

You says i need to hummble my self, so you will bring me up. I do that, but i dont know whats the lacks. 

You says to pray, and trust as i feel have already get that, even though i'm not getting it yet.  I do that, but still fail.

You says to surrender everything so You will handle it, so everything will gonna be alright. I do surrender, but it's been like two step forward then three times backward. And the next i jump up to 5 times forward, but 7 times backward. To be countinuing 9 times forward, but 11 backward. Its like happiness, in the same times i feels affraid, because i fears all backward, even though You will give accelarating.

Its like when i cried you will give me what i want but more than i need. Then you take those again, and when i desprate you will bless with abundant presents. Now is the time i pray You, Lord. That i dont want those looping will happens to me again. I dont want much but just enough. 

You that teachs me, which i should pray for just just our daily bread. This is my body is Your bread. I want to let anyone eat me, so i could get it back. Ecclesiastes 11:1 (KJV)  Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days. But why i should drowning in the deep to get this one.

Please let me, when this servant serving someone, please pay me with Your protection, so i dont have to lack. i know You want give me the rich of kindness, or more than that You want me to be as one of King that knowing the true meaning of the love. Its hurt me Lord. I'm just wanna be small, but You push me be big in discerning. 

Dont be angry, Lord. I'm just saying. But in the end, let You choose the best of me. Any where You want, i do believe. But let me can have trust, so i will more and more, day by day will praise You.

The last, forgive me Lord.

Thanks for hearing my voices.

Let anything be happens as You want.

Because all the things are Yours.

And with Your wisdom everything will be good.

Hallelujah. 

Amin.